Wow, I am blown away, what a fabulous post...
However, I would love some suggestions if one does not have the time or leisure to go to the cemetery?!? I fear that once I open those floodgates, I will be unable to close them...

There's a difference between grief and depression. When you get that feeeling of wanting to crawl under the covers and never come out, and it's not in response to loss, but rather just they way you feel every single morning for weeks on end, that's depression. When life feels like you're walking through quicksand, when food has no flavor, when you feel numb and dead inside, that's depression.

Taking antidepressants did not dull my emotions; depression did. Taking antidepressants gives me the ability to actually live life, rather than just survive it. I wish I didn't need antidepressants, but my life, and my family's lives, are much better when I take them. I've done the work, I've done the grieving, I got sober, I do all the things that you're supposed to do to avoid depression, but it's not enough.

Are antidepressants overprescribed? Sure. Does that mean that depression is all a marketing scam? I wish.

And I hope everyone gets to thoroughly examine their path and their possibilities as you have. I fear in consumer culture many people don't realize they have choices. For example, lack of sleep has also become exclusively a medical issue. I had trouble sleeping, but it turned out I didn't need a pill, I just needed to reorder my relationship to myself and to the universe. Not exactly the quick fix we all are taught to seek. And it didn't put a penny in the pocked of the pharmaceutical industry. But it has worked for me for years.

I wish you peace on your journey.

Val, I think that's the wrong question. Maybe it should be, "Why don't I have free time to reflect by myself?" I'd recommend reading a good book, or going to a park, or meditating, or anything like that, if you don't want to go to a cemetary, but if you don't have time EVER for simple things like that, I'd recommend making time. I work 23-28 hours a week in Pasadena with a full class schedule, and I still have plenty of time to go out. Recently, I was working longer, and I was much more stressed (and I'd never been actually stressed in my life), and luckily I was able to change jobs and hours without losing pay. Even then, though, I still had some time to myself, though it wasn't enough.

And if you mean "going to the cemetary" as a metaphor for the journey towards happiness, or at least some sort of personal fulfillment, that's always going to take awhile, but the first step is to take time when you can to look at and be honest with yourself.

Writing Mom raises an important point as she describes the difference between depression and grief.

That being said I'm very very sceptical of the pharmacuetical industry and the fact that I cannot watch 20 minutes of television without encountering a pharmaceutical advertisement. I tend to think that our relationship with food, our earth, our neurotic work loads and narcissism are the components that make our country so sick. The marketing of unneccessary meds to women are especially horrifying. I've long felt that women's bodies are treated like lucrative guinea pigs by the medical community (i.e. the pill, IVF, mammograms, etc.)

Writing Mom raises an important point as she describes the difference between depression and grief.

That being said I'm very very sceptical of the pharmacuetical industry and the fact that I cannot watch 20 minutes of television without encountering a pharmaceutical advertisement. I tend to think that our relationship with food, our earth, our neurotic work loads and narcissism are the components that make our country so sick. The marketing of unneccessary meds to women are especially horrifying. I've long felt that women's bodies are treated like lucrative guinea pigs by the medical community (i.e. the pill, IVF, mammograms, etc.)

i'll remember, the next time i turn into a [homi!sui]cidal maniac, that all i need to do is . that, in fact, it's just marketing.

If feeling depressed or sad why don't you check out our website: www.ledsunrisealarmclocks.co.uk. Read it through - it might be just the thing for you.

Diana, you just had to go and ruin it! Now I can't say that I disagree with everything that you write. This was an absolutely beautiful post! I loved it. I was surprised to find that you and I have so much in common - brothers with schizophrenia, designer shopping struggles,and the belief that too many people are popping pills unnecessarily.
In my work as a psych nurse I saw too many people searching for comfort in the right pill combinations.
As stated in some of the comments, there is a difference between grief and depression and I wouldn't be surprised if we soon hear ads for "grief pills" to help make the process easier.

It's ironic. I have taken to shopping at Macy's these days as well because I find that I buy what I need, it's a better quality and I don't need to buy it again anytime soon. I like that. It feels structured and responsible to me. I've been eating healthy since July and the 31 lbs. lost is truly the least of the rewards. I sleep better and I have energy for LIVING!!! Thank you for a wonderful, meaningful post.

Liz I am glad to hear you are feeling well. I send you many good wishes.

As to grief pills, Mary, it's already happening. A student said the other day that one of the elementary school kids she works with was given antidepressants when his mother died to help him "cope."

I found the same non-material serenity when I finally got rid of my television. I used to be bombarded with images and soundbites and laugh tracks all carefully engineered to get my attention and make me think or feel about something. I cannot believe how much more calm my mind is now. I used to scoff at those people with the "Kill Your TV" bumper stickers thinking they were crazy. Now, I'm one of them. I never would have thought I could spend an entire evening by myself without any background noise. I haven't craved fast food in months (an amazing feat, BELIEVE me) and the only time I go shopping is when I need something. It's amazing though, the pull that the store displays have. I try to be very mindful now of the "I didn't know I needed it until I saw it" pull.

That is absolutely gorgeous. Thank you for inspiring me. Because of you, I can envision a world without television in it. A seed has been planted.

One of the unfortunate things about advertising generally and television ads in particular is that they tend to trivialize things that are non-trivial.

Consider "the heartbreak of psoriasis," the punchline to many a joke, and a mild bit of skin roughness isn't particularly heartbreaking. But severe psoriasis can interfere with such basic things as walking and sleeping. Not so funny then.

Severe depression is life-threatening. At its worst, it is completely incapacitating, and when the worst of it begins to lift, many individuals commit suicide rather than Ever Having To Go Through That Again.

So the real problem with drug advertising is that it distorts basic issues, in order to marginally sell a few more drugs. Trust me, people with severe depression do not need advertising to tell them to take a pill. Thjey will do anything their doctor (or just about anyone else) says if it helps. The ones who can moderate their depressions with medication are the lucky ones. I know someone whose depression was so severe that ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy, formerly known as electroshock) was used. To this day, she credits the treatements for saving her life. Just imagine how bad something must be for you to sing the praises of electroshock.

hi Diana,

my name is Christina and I am a student at USC. Having heard about you, I decided to check your website out. I read what you wrote on your blog about antidepressants, and I must thoroughly disagree. I have been depressed since I was a child, and I never understood why I could just be happy or be satisfied with anything. I always felt so stuck, and I felt like there was never any purpose in life. And believe me, I tried. It has been years and I have reached the point of near suicide. Eventually, by the age of 19, I decided to start trying out antidepressants and they surely have made a world of difference in my life. I'm not saying that antidepressants is not wrongfully prescribed, but to label depression as simply an invention of our consumer society is completely wrong. Depression is very real, and there is a definite difference between grieving and pain versus constant depressive thoughts, even when there is probably no need for them. I wish I didn't have to take antidepressants, but I think I would be destroyed if I didn't. I have insomnia problems as well that coincides with my depression. I hate the fact that I have these problems, but I do not want to blame myself because I know it is not my fault.

Christina, as long as you are comfortable with your choices, it doesn't matter what I—or anyone else—thinks about them.

But I am certain that for millions of people, myself included, there are better approaches to dealing with anxiety and insomnia than medication.

I have gotten educated about families like mine, ones with alcoholism and mental illness running through each generation. Many of us tend to feel dissatisfied, even to the point of suicidal--or homicidal--urges. We often experience despair, isolate ourselves, dread the future; what I am talking certainly isn’t only about grief, though many people in such circumstances were never allowed to express emotions growing up, including those surrounding loss, and learned to deny them instead. Hence the depression.

In my desperation during my mother's terminal illness, I was let to therapeutic groups that help people exactly like me. For over a decade I have committed myself to addressing my feelings in a healthy way. And I have changed. Massively. For the better. Without chemicals. When I awoke last night and began to worry about a particular situation that’s bothering me, I began a mental list of the things I am grateful for to relax me and help me get back to sleep. It worked, as it always does. This behavioral modification, which includes forms of meditation, group support, journaling, etc, works—if you work it.

It seems to me that medicine should be a last resort. No one will convince me that running seductive t.v. commericals for quick-fix drugs is going to make that happen. Period. You’ve got the rest of your life to think for yourself. Be sure advertising—and social and family dynamics—don’t prevent that from happening.

Diana,

I believe that you are making the mistake of extrapolating your own experiences to other people.

People do not kill themselves because of television commercials. People do kill themselves because of severe depression.

The flip side of depression, bi-polar mania, can cause hallucinations and delusions. The daughter of a carpenter I know had a bi-polar psychosis where she heard voices and became convinced that she had magical abilities. (In fact, she believed that she was the female messiah and could raise the dead). Lithium eliminated the mania and her delusions ceased.

No amount of group therapy will convince someone that they can't walk on water if a psychosis insists that they can.

> But I am nothing special

Oh, but you are! You're a lusty dusty desert goddess...

Beautiful post.

:x

This is to James: I think that the discussion has become abundantly clear that Diana does not think that medicines should never be prescribed for any sort of mental illness, but rather that most people who do take the medicines don't have anywhere near a severe mental illness, and are rather coerced by the pharmaceutical drug machine. She's advocating that people should not look to medicine first, but rather attempt to find other ways, and only after seriously considering and trying these alternative roads, and finding that they have failed, should that person use medication.

Your post doesn't really address the topic that Diana puts forth, but opens up a new one: how and whether to treat those who do not see themselves as sick (unless, of course, the delusions cause physical endangerment).

I agree with Sassy Pants about the TV thing. A lot of TV programs (and not surprisingly, commercials!) put your body in stress response. When you watch TV to soothe your nerves, you do the exact opposite.

Sean, as I hope my first post made clear, I'm entirely in agreement with the idea that advertising generally is a bad thing in medicine; it tends to frighten people who have trivial complaints while at the same time trivializing serious illnesses.

However, in response to Christina's posting about her own situation, Diana then responded with her own history, as if the two were comparable. My response was that they are not comparable. That is the same problem as exists with mass advertising, the idea that "one size fits all."

Moreover, the initial part of Diana's response was "as long as you are comfortable with your choices, it doesn't matter what I—or anyone else—thinks about them." I found that to be both a cheap shot and condescending. I imagine that Christina is reading the postings here because she does believe that it's important what Diana thinks, and I think that Diana's response was impolite.

I'm entirely in agreement with the notion that people should not overmedicate, and I think that Diana's perception of the mass market attempts to in fact create that overmedicated environment is correct. But, there are real and serious conditions that can be cured or ameliorated by medication, and those who do respond to such medications are the lucky ones. This isn't a "two sides" issue, because these are really two entirely separate issues, and I was hoping that Diana would acknowledge that and apologize to Christina.

Still, it's possible that Christina feels that the response was adequate, and if that is the case then it's I who owe the apology. I probably should apologize to some extent for jumping in on her behalf, or using her as an example, which is always an imposition.

The question of treating people who do not see themselves as sick is certainly interesting, and, as you say, a different issue, one that probably cannot be adequately addressed here.

my favorite drug commercials are the ones that don't even tell you what the drug is for, but instead, tell you to just "ask your doctor". i feel like that's even worse becuase people sit there and wonder what it could possible be for, and then when they finally ask, they've already implanted all these fears in their own minds about what they could possibly need medicines for, and are primed to jump on any opportunity to take something. we are an over-medicated, over-stressed, under-expressive, oppressive society. it's a great time to be an American! not.

* we've witnessed--go figure--an explosion in prescription use as people flood into their doctors demanding pills to "fix" their unhappiness.

Hmmm, I have to wonder about this statement (being a beneficiary of an SSRI). I would suggest that - explosion aside - more people, rather than fewer, need antidepressant medications.

Recent studies confirm that American suicide rates have recently dropped in direct proportion with the use of antidepressants. Other studies show that many people in need of psychological intervention (therapy and medication) avoid it because of deep seated negative stereotypes around mental illness.

Antidepressants are a very comples issue. I recommend that anyone read Listening to Prozac (by Kramer) for a balanced and fascinating discussion on the subject.

There's a print ad in People magazine this week that suggests we all try some sleeping pill. Lest we spend any real time considering alternatives and/or the negative effects of taking this medication, the copy says "hurry offer only good for 5 days."