The Happiest Place--in Hell?
I’m having a Disney kind of day, and believe me, that’s the last thing I ever expected to say at this point in my life. I am pretty disenchanted with the enchanted world mass-marketed to our kids, so I happily avoid anything related to that happiest place on earth. I happen to prefer the real thing.
But a friend is turning four tomorrow, and she wants a Sleeping Beauty cake. I personally think rather than waiting for a man to come along and rescue her, Ms. Beauty should get an alarm clock and learn to wake up on her own, but hey, it’s not my birthday, it’s Charlotte’s, so I am fulfilling her desire and doing it with great joy.
The local craft store had a Cinderella cake pan, but not one for the lazy lady, so I am sneakily restructuring the icing pattern in order to transform Cindy into Sleepy. (Charlotte’s not going to know the difference unless you tell her, so let’s just keep this between us, o.k.?)
Anyway, in order to get a good look at Aurora, as it turns out she’s called, I held my nose and dipped into the Magic Kingdom via Disney.com, which handily arranges everything in order to maximize the purchasing of Disney items. Once there, I waded through the various princesses, wishing we had something less sexist to offer our girl children to fantasize about than these languorous ladies waiting for princes to come.
I simply cannot stand the idea of either having to buy things in order to be a good mother or having to constantly say no in order to try and maintain some kind of authentic relationship with my child unmediated by racist, sexist, classist, homophobic corporate materialism. So I have chosen not to have children of my own.
But I am definitely enjoying hand-making Charlotte’s cake. That will be her gift from me. Something about buying junky plastic crap made by Chinese prisoners just doesn’t seem to honor life the way I think life should be honored. Baking a beautiful cake, however, does.
And speaking of Chinese people….I ended up watching the Disney channel later in the day, something I’ve never done before. Don’t be shocked. As I said, I’ve no children and we’ve only had cable, well actually satellite, a few months. For the last 15 years I’d figured there was no point in paying for even more junky television than already beams into the house for free, but finally got tired of tripping over the antennae wire that snaked in from the outside and across the living room into the den, so we called Direct TV and joined the modern world.
As I imagined the programming is largely forgettable and frequently offensive-- though we have been enjoying the NBA playoffs and “The 200 Pound Tumor” show. Also since I am writing the book on implants, I watch the plastic surgery when I can stand to. But man that’s some depressing stuff. It gets hard to enjoy popular culture once you’ve become aware of what you’re really seeing. My students often tell me I have “ruined” movies and television for them since they now realize how formulaic the narratives are. I simply tell them they’ve become more sophisticated and can demand higher quality entertainment. Thought that was the point of going to college--getting educated. That should mean that you actually change.
Anyway I have a sore throat and am trying to stay still, which is hard because the world is so filled with fun things to do. I decided to rent some videos, but the trip to Blockbuster yielded only Capote. Nothing else interested me at all—100s of movies written by children based on hateful ideologies or recycled television shows from my youth.
So to pass the time I ended up watching “Freaky Friday” on Disney. (This is yet another remake. Are there any new ideas being generated out there?? Yesterday in class someone was reporting on the film Troy, and when a classmate said she’d not seen it but she’d read the poem, he said “there’s a poem?” At least in that case it was a remake of the Iliad….)
Anyway the movie was cute, yeah yeah yeah, and funny, ha ha ha, but it was hard for me not to cringe at the overtly racist plot device that attributed the magical mother-daughter switch to “weird Chinese voodoo.” This reminded me of the overtly racist plot device in the film Ghost, where the white lady cannot see the dead guy but the black woman can. And that reminds me of the overtly racist plot device in Meet Joe Black where the only character able to spontaneously recognize Death was, yes, a black woman.
Hard not to see a pattern there, huh? White people are “normal,” and people of color are odd, not quite human, not in the same way as Anglos. White culture prides itself on being reasonable, cornering the market on this characteristic. For centuries Anglos have mocked the superstitions of other people, making fun of their spirituality, undermining their right to self-determination by branding them simple-minded.
But the president of our country thinks that men give birth to women, at least in the case of Adam and Eve. Oh yes, god snatches a rib out of the side of his newest creature in order to create another one as an afterthought. Now even when I was a kid I knew this story was just that, a story, and I continue to marvel that some adults not only believe it but simultaneously believe themselves the most rational beings on the planet.
Phew!
So white people get to have their cake and eat it too, basically. We are supposed to view Christianity as somehow less freaky than Asian or African religious practices, even though it features cannibalism, water-walking and resurrection of the dead, not to mention giants roaming the earth mating with mortal females. Hmmm. I mean, fine, believe whatever you want. But why not try to respect the humanity of others at the same time? And acknowledge how bizarre your own religion is? Who cares? It’s all right to admit none of us are that reasonable when it comes right down to it. Try it sometime. If we didn’t take ourselves so darn seriously, we might just end up less miserable. And less miserable might translate into less spiritually empty. And less spiritually empty might translate into less greedy.
For I think what worries me the most about films like this is the mindless embrace of materialism. Houses are huge, cars high-end, possessions shiny and multiple. Is this the best the most religious nation on earth can do? Shop ‘til we drop? Grasp and grasp and grasp, taking more than our share and then some? I’ve seen a bunch of shows on t.v. lately touting the amount people spend on their children’s parties. No one seems to realize that love does not cost money. Marx said the cash nexus would infect all relationships under capitalism. “My Super Sweet 16” makes than point better than he could have ever imagined.
And speaking of sages, Jesus said it was easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven. Seems like that message hasn’t quite resonated within our Christian country. Maybe a little ancient Chinese voodoo wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all.
Meanwhile, I’ve got a cake to bake for a little pal. And I hope I can show her as she grows older that being thin and pretty and white and waiting for a man to come along to buy you a bunch of crap ain’t got nothing on being a real live person.
Comments
I am a proud father of a beautiful 18 week old girl who also condemns much of the shallow materialism I see around me. I dread many of the compromises I'll face as my daughter ages and she wants the worthless crap our culture foists upon children. I'm staying home for her first six months and the happiness of the experience makes the thought of all those difficult compromises ahead pretty tolerable. Maybe I'm naive, but I hope that I'll be able to share my love of nature, music and learning so that my daughter will find values of mainstream culture as boring as I do. Gotta go so I can feed my daughter.
Posted by: Pat Myers | June 10, 2006 07:58 AM
Perhaps it will reassure you to know that PK (who is a boy) loves Cinderella (b/c of the mice), and has Disney princess toothpaste (b/c he likes the bright pink packaging and the bubblegum taste).
Oh, and if she likes Disney but hasn't yet seen Lilo and Stitch, I recommend it--it's remarkably good, actually, in the right ways.
Posted by: bitchphd | June 10, 2006 12:02 PM
Speaking of Meet Joe Black, it's star, Brad Pitt and Angelina take over a whole resort area to have a baby including flying in an American doctor! The third world earthiness of this couple is lost on me along with the whole Disney thing.
Posted by: Liz | June 10, 2006 07:01 PM
The cake came out amazing, by the way!
Posted by: Diana | June 10, 2006 08:53 PM
Re: struggles w/ raising children.
I really have no idea how parents do it at all, when faced with such a difficult choice.
But coming from a woman who is the daughter of a feminist, and who used to be the stereotype little girl - a playing-with-barbies little girl who turned into a cheerleader (albeit a basketball and soccer playing cheerleader ;-) - and then became a feminist, i can tell you that my mom never thought it was easy.
I remember when my mom told me i could shave my legs. And i remember crying to get her to say yes, b/c i was tired of being embarassed and italian and having thick hair. And i remember the look of defeat when she said i could, b/c there's nothing harder than telling your child to endure any sort of criticism. And so there were compromises.
But the best thing my mom did, and i think the best thing we can ask of our parents, is to be a damn good role model. Kids might want to do whatever all the other kids are doing, and as a parent, one might have to give in at times. But what they see in their parents will always triumph eventually.
So even though you are not Charlotte's mom, you are making her this cake out of love, and you are making a little girl happy. And while she may read about desparate princesses being rescued by virile princes, she will see you, know you, admire you. As you said yourself, there's nothing better than the real thing.
Love you always,
carol
Posted by: carol | June 11, 2006 05:04 PM
Re: struggles w/ raising children.
I really have no idea how parents do it at all, when faced with such a difficult choice.
But coming from a woman who is the daughter of a feminist, and who used to be the stereotype little girl - a playing-with-barbies little girl who turned into a cheerleader (albeit a basketball and soccer playing cheerleader ;-) - and then became a feminist, i can tell you that my mom never thought it was easy.
I remember when my mom told me i could shave my legs. And i remember crying to get her to say yes, b/c i was tired of being embarassed and italian and having thick hair. And i remember the look of defeat when she said i could, b/c there's nothing harder than telling your child to endure any sort of criticism. And so there were compromises.
But the best thing my mom did, and i think the best thing we can ask of our parents, is to be a damn good role model. Kids might want to do whatever all the other kids are doing, and as a parent, one might have to give in at times. But what they see in their parents will always triumph eventually.
So even though you are not Charlotte's mom, you are making her this cake out of love, and you are making a little girl happy. And while she may read about desparate princesses being rescued by virile princes, she will see you, know you, admire you. As you said yourself, there's nothing better than the real thing.
Love you always,
carol
Posted by: carol | June 11, 2006 05:05 PM
Yes, you are ruining the fun. Isn't it funny that you get that criticism when the "fun" you are ruining includes sexism, racism, ageism, etc.?
Stop making us feel, Dr. Diana. Stop making us more compassionate. It just isn't fun!
Posted by: Suebob | June 13, 2006 11:21 AM
I'm a father of 2, a young man and a young woman. They are both grown now and in college/grad school.
For those who are worrying about how to rear kids in our climate today, my advice is stop worrying.
Be the best role model you can be, expose the kids to as much information as you can, but always, always, always, make them happy and let them have fun. They'll sort it out just fine on their own. If your daughter wants to dream about Prince Charming when she's five, don't worry about it. She'll grow out of it because you are giving her an example to live by.
If your son still wants to play with guns and uses his finger to "shoot" his friends with, don't worry about it. He'll grow out of it because you are giving him an example to live by.
Provide them love, plenty of books, and your example and they'll be just fine.
Regards,
Cash
Posted by: Cash | June 13, 2006 03:12 PM
My daughter is a model. After graduating from college, I was hoping that she would be a lesbian, or at least move in with a Mexican dude, but I must have failed her by giving her a Cinderella birthday cake when she was little.
Now, she makes more money than I do, by showing off her bod, she had the nerve to get married to a white man and stay married. She says that she will have children some day, but I sure hope she has at least one abortion, just because she has rights.
I'm such a bad father. I can't believe that Cinderella kept her becoming a real woman. Isn't that what I payed all that money to send her to college, to get indoctrinated before she had a mind of her own?
Darn Snow White jammies I bought her when she was 5! What a failure I am!
Posted by: F. Picard | June 14, 2006 11:32 AM
Posted by: M | June 30, 2006 11:42 AM
I know that you have some deep hurts. And I also know that the way of healing is not on your current path. I will keep you in my prayers.
Posted by: James | July 1, 2006 06:54 AM
James, I happen to agree with M's statement, although I would have expressed my view in a somewhat less caustic way. Letting the consumerism and conformity of the world keep you from one of the most wonderful of life experiences is probably one of the least intelligent things Ms. Blaine says on this website. Otherwise, I have been mostly impressed with her views, even when I do not agree.
Posted by: Luke S | July 1, 2006 02:00 PM
Hi Diana, My best friend gave my 3 year old grandaughter a book of the clasic princess fairy tales. I was horrified and very surprised. My daughter suggested giving the book to charity, but I through it in the bin. I feel very guilty and hope my friend never has to find out, but I had to do what I thought was right.
Much to my dismay, Jasmine has found a pasionate love for all the princesses at pre-school. She runs home telling me how wonderful it is that Cinderella found her prince and lived happilly ever after.
I am wondering if I would be out of line to talk to the school? I don't have to be rude about it.
Posted by: Kate | July 5, 2006 10:24 PM
I'm going to come a little sideways at this question of raising children in a "toxic" culture.
Everyone must read "Everyday Acts Against Racism: Raising Children in a Multiracial World," ed. by Maureen T. Reddy. Essays by real parents about practical efforts to solve the problems of raising multiracial kids in a not-so-enlightened world. You'd be amazed how universally applicable these ideas are for any child or adult.
Posted by: JT | July 7, 2006 01:09 AM
Dear Kate,
While I appreciate your concern over your young daughter and her current obsession with princesses, why not just let nature take its course? Calling attention to the subject by forcibly removing the princesses from her play time will only call more attention to the matter. If she has not already figured out that playing princess is bad from your actions, she soon will. When she does figure it out, that might make her want to play with princesses all the more. In a fair world every child, boy and girl, should get the chance to play with princesses. To keep them from it is perpetuating prejudice just as surely as parents who shield their children from the reality of homosexuality.
Luke
Posted by: Luke S | July 10, 2006 11:35 AM
i agree with Luke. it would be better to teach your children to think critically and by themselves than force your liberal viewpoints on them. not only will they not understand your intentions, but they will most likely rebel. im surprised you havent realized that -- unless you're spoiling her rotten -- your child probably doesnt like princesses for the same reason as paris hilton.
Posted by: sandy | July 18, 2006 01:06 PM
oh, and btw, if you came to my child's school and complained about it, i might tell you to piss off.
Posted by: sandy | July 18, 2006 01:10 PM
Oh, pleeease... not another pity-poty web site?
Must we all worry about ourselves when the rest of the world is so wildly messed up. We have third world crusades, drug lords, and aids. Hello???
Posted by: social_graces | August 11, 2006 10:56 AM