i have always been entirely average-sized and no one, for my entire life, ever really commented on my size one way or another. it never really changed, and i never really thought about it. then i got pregnant. my belly was, i guess, relatively small. people - strangers, family, friends - would ask me how far along i was and then say, "oh,but you're so small!!" the tone always indicated that this observation was intended as a compliment.

i was radically offended by this, but at the same time could not deny some deep deep twinge of satisfaction at hearing it. and that made me even more repulsed. not until the final couple months, when my baby was actually measuring slightly small in ultrasounds, did i entirely exorcise that self-loathing, satisfied response and voice my offense. when i responded to these "compliments" by saying, "the baby is slightly undersized and i am very anxious about it. telling me i look small really makes me much more anxious, even though i know my doctor says my size in unconnected to hers, still, it makes me hate my body," - when i said this, people were stunned. i could see that the idea of "smallness" being anything other than desireable just hadn't occured to them.

which is shocking, really, in the context of a pregnancy.

Thank you for addressing the thing with Oprah. Her weight is still going up and down! I have to live with food in a way that feels kind and compassionate to myself.

In my opinion, dieting isn't smart at all. Food is fuel, and your body uses different types of food for various purposes.

I think everyone should make time for exercise in their lives. This is not needed for body image but for basic health and well-being. Research has shown that those who exercise regularly sleep better at night, feel better about themselves, control stress better, have lower blood pressure, have better general cardiovascular health, and have more energy to do things. Whatever your body looks like, I for one think those things are desirable.

Don't worry about calories or what time you eat or anything like that. Just get your regular exercise. You'll feel better about yourself as a result of the exercise, not because you fit some artificial body image.

Your diet is what you eat on a regular basis. With the variety that is available to us in this day and age, or diets may consist of an equal variety.

It is the industry that has defined dieting as the attempt to lose weight.

I don't say this to argue against any of the valid points made here, just to take back our language. Those that define the words define the world.

I have to disagree with you a bit, Diana. I have, this last year, taken that phrase with a bit of a twist, "nothing tastes as good as being thinner feels" as a regular reminder to myself to continue on with my new way of eating healthier and being more active, which has allowed me to lose 60 pounds. I have always interpreted that phrase to refer to how I feel physically-- the greater stamina and energy I have gained as I have lost pounds. Looking better is only a byproduct of feeling better, albeit a pleasant, exciting byproduct. It's been a wonderful process of discovery to watch my physical appearance slowly changing into a more accurate reflection of the woman I am on the inside. A couple of months ago I was walking on campus and was struck with the difference in my breathing and freedom of movement. So even though I still need to drop more pounds for the sake of my long-term health, being this much thinner FEELS so very, very good.

over winter break this year, i was told several times that i looked 'great' and 'fit' and like i lost a few pounds.

let me tell you what actually happened.

i spent my first semester of law school falling in love with the subjects, but simultaneously becoming incredibly stressed out. I didn't eat regularly, and when i did, it was crappy. I worked out a lot less, and lost quite a bit of muscle as a result.

And i was congratulated for it. Oh i *look* better, huh? well let me tell you how much *healthier* i was ten pounds heavier, when i was lifting, running sprints, and eating a healthy diet.

and i can't say that second semester it felt much better, when i returned to normalcy, and people felt it necessary to comment yet again. stop focusing on what i put in my mouth and concentrate on yourself!

*Fit* has become synonymous with *thin* and if i have to hear one more person tell me what either means for my body, i may just do something crazy - like [gasp] eat after 7 p.m.!

Dr. Diana, I found this European commercial online and, as a male, found it pretty intriguing. What are your thoughts?

http://thatvideosite.com/view/497.html

I was struggling with an eating disorder a couple of years ago, so I went to the USC campus nutritionist. Let me just say that this woman is totally horrible! She laid out a meal plan for me to follow which couldn't have been more than 900 calories per day and told me to vastly restrict myself from eating anything good! She also told me to stop being a vegetarian, instead of working with me to find food choices that reflect my morals. It's sad that so many people like this are in positions of authority so that even when people ask for help, they can't get it.

Your philosophy on eating what you want, when you want is totally on target. Whenever I get that dreaded "You look great, have you gotten skinnier?" I ALWAYS tell people that amazing secret--too bad more people won't believe it.

Funny that. We would all be thinner and healthier if we ate better and exercised more -- as in more fresh food and less fast food, more walking and bike driving and less car riding. Not "model" thin, mind, but healthy fit and trimmer. And as we get older, we loose some of that. Shrug.

The compulsion to comply with the thin-mafia -- and its opposite when used to justify unhealthy living -- is sad sad sad.

It is SO frustrating to see that the "thin" industry has lost site of the goal -- a healthy weight -- and gone to the apparent goal, a lower weight with out regard for the method. But as noted, one hasta watch for the opposite and equal reaction, though: I know a few morbidly obese folks who eat with out regard to health, and ride cars everywhere under the guise of not caring about social norms for body shape.

A healthy body -- at whatever size -- is no basis for shame; an unhealthy body, to the degree created by choices or philosophies, is no basis for pride.

Shrug.

Roger

With all due respect, you are not thin. Why is it that every chunky, unattractive woman goes to burning man and takes their top off. We don't want to see the saggy breats, the gut that hangs over your beltline, the dumpy ass. Please, keep it clothed.

Some unsolicited comments on the comments.

I see Tom just doesn't get it. Diana didn't go topless at Burning Man for YOUR benefit, but for hers (If i read her right).

Roger, they are not trying to convince you to go to a lower wieght, they are trying to sell you their product, or service, or whatever and could not care less what the health or the weight of the public is. Significantly overweight is a health issue as is significantly underweight. I think they just aren't telling us that the right weight is the one you feel best at. Including Sarah's nutritionist.

Diana, keep on speaking your mind. I for one am happy to hear it. Happy Independance Day everyone.

Dan

Hi Diana, Just want to tell you I love your site and if you hadn't bared your breasts, I never would have found you. Also, I think you have missed one point. Opra is a food "addict". For her to go home at 10pm and have one sandwich would be like an alcoholic going home and having one beer. It is like any other addiction. It has to be kept under strict control, so that it does not control you.

I agree with some of the comments above, that exercise and eating "right" have almost countless benefits, and burning excess, unhealthy fat is just one of them. Humans evolved walking around and picking stuff up, not sitting at a computer/TV or in a car. So let your body do what it's designed for.

For me, being fit is also a way to tell the world a little about me... that I have self-discipline, enjoy being active, and (pardon the machismo) could put a serious beat-down on a criminal iff necessary. (Iff = "if and only if" for the non-mathematicians out there.)

At the same time, I agree no one should feel shame about their appearance. Shame should be reserved for accounting fraud, refusing to face facts about global warming, committing logical fallacies, etc.

I think that now more than ever the pressure and obsession to be stickly (sickly) thin has reached a peak. A couple months back US weekly had an article on Hollywood starlets who had become "dangerously thin". I can't help but notice that these women are rewarded for their tiny frames! All of them women featured are at the TOP of their careers getting huge movie roles(Kate bosworth), national magazine ads (Nicole Richie and jimmy choo), etc etc.

You can even say that these women look like pre pubescent and child like. Maybe there is a parallel between our obsession to be thin and the our national pedophilia problem. Just some thoughts…

All this talk just made me hungry...snack TIME!

people told me i looked my "best" and that i looked "good/hot" after i had a surgery that prevented me from eating solid foods for three weeks. i was absolutely emaciated and week, and everyone thought that was fantastic. clearly, the opinions of others have about zero validity when it comes to assessing what kind of condition my body is in.

Precisely! "Thin" has historically equalled "sick."

you guys are a bunch of a-holes. the fact that you can label and insult people based on the way they look is just more proof of your blatant hypocrisy. it would be similar if i assumed that because you are "chunky" it is because you can't resist your midnight queso fundido. the fact is that people have all sorts of body types and all sorts of eating habits, and nobody deserves your judgements. that some young women are anorexic and need help is not an excuse for you to condemn women who are naturally thin but healthy (yes, that is what you are doing. i'm thin, and yet, not sick, despite the historical links you forgot to cite, Diana).

Wow! Where have you been? It's been so long since you've called me insulting names I was starting to think you didn't love me anymore!

oh. i think we both know i never left you, Diana.

but, notice, that my calling you (and others) insulting names was not the point of my response.

Perhaps your name calling wasn't the point, but one's voice reflects heavily upon one's credibility. You showed up here hurling invective from the beginning. Why on earth would I take you seriously?

As to your "point," which seems to be that I am attacking anorexics, it's too bizarre to even bother with.

And you clearly misunderstood my point, which regarded the semiotics of the body. Traditionally cultures have associated thinness with illlness and lack of nourishment. Ours does the opposite, associating it with health and wealth. ("Can't be too rich or too thin.") It's interesting how the social meaning of size reflects the availability of food and the distribution of wealth. In many cultures and throughout history, ownership of fat women pointed to the man's fiscal largess, as ownership of thin women does in ours. Neither relates to the actual health of the female body but to what she represents as a symbol of male power.

And I hate to break it to you, but I am not "chunky." It's such branding of normal sized women as overweight that has led us to our eating disordered culture.

apparently you did not understand my point.

i didn't call you - in particular - chunky. nor would i call anyone chunky or assume that if they were "chunky" (notice the quotation marks!) that they overate.

also, i didnt say you attacked anorexics, i said you were condemning thin people (who are NOT necessarily anorexic) in a manner that only emphasizes your own insecurity.