"Hey Dr. Blaine,

I still have that little voice (my aunt) telling me what not to eat. She also told me that I would look so pretty if I were thin. I asked her if I wasn't pretty now. She said yes, but I would be so much prettier if I were thinner. I talked to her about this yesterday and expressed my feelings on this.

I told her that it was vain to consider lipo and that she should be proud of me and accept me for who I am and what I had done. I feel much better after the talk. I feel like I've opened up some issues that have bothered me."

Dear Reader, I don't know a single woman who has not had endured this kind of criticism and pressure to be "pretty." For so many of us, it seems that we have failed somehow at this task and we carry a deep sense of shame around with us as our daily companion. But the failure is not ours, it is our culture's. We should not be reduced to pieces of meat--see the Burger King entry for a brutal example of this!--but instead should be valued as individuals with individual talents.

Congratulations on speaking up. One of the main sexist tools that patriarchy employs against us involves discouraging us from having a voice. From Polonius to Dr Phil, we are told to be quiet, shouted down by men who tell us we are crazy, emotional, stupid. And sadly, we women are inscripted into this very army against women. Hence the female "role models" in your life and mine, including our "heroes" like Oprah, who try to silence us, shame us for taking up space. I am here to claim mine, my own lusty, big, loud, voracious, funny, amazing, silly, confused, active, spiritual, loving, intimate, kind, angry place in this word. May you claim yours too, my love.