Let me tell it to you straight. Modern society has stripped man of his purpose for existing. There is nothing anymore that exclusively belongs to a man. Our roles have been taken from us. Then you wonder why we endup with such disfunctional men, like serial killers and rapists. Men are just angry at the world for this kind of crap. We need to send me to other countries like Mexico for example to remind them of what it's like to really be a man. I still havn't left Mexico, and it's been 5 years now.

I don't rape women, I love them and treat them with respect.....I just don't like it when they send me their bloodied and semen filled panties when I tell them to get over it.

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If a woman is walking alone at night and gets raped, it's not her fault; the rapist is soley to blame. However, I would still recomend that the woman not go walking alone at night.

Openmls and Mike You are fucked up.

Rhys you are obviously clueless.

I don't know why men are so threatened by this. It's so simple and obvious. When men learn to love themselves and find their own strength, they don't need to dominate anyone.

Openmls: my partner lives in Mexico. She, and most of the other Mexicans I know, are slowly prevailing against the macho myth. ¡Gracias a Dios!

All the above comments, I must say are bullshit, thus they fit very well with this article written by a contradictory, hypocritical (Yes the redundancy is necessary in order to stress the point) zealot who wishes to strip women of all responsibility and blame men for all the world's problems.

Exhibit A:
"Don't tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x.
Don't imply that it's in ANY WAY HER FAULT."

Yet this author later goes on to tell MEN:
"Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions."

As much as I sympathize with rape victims; it's ignorant extremists such as this author that undermine the legitimacy of the feminist movement.

men are not to blame about everything bad in the world, but if a man rapes a woman, he is to blame, and it IS his responsibility, just like it is a womans responsibility if she rapes a man. i hear people say society is partly to blame too, because its so violent and respectless and that is a big influence on people/rapist/racist/etc...,
but in the end you and you alone shoose who you respect or not/rape or not/hurt or not/ kill or not.
and for the 'men dont know who they are anymore because women are not so stereotype anymore as they used to be' issue:
WHY dont men know anymore who they are? women didn t forbid men something did they? or did i miss that?
can men oly be REAL men if women are REAL women?
what is a REAL woman anyway, and a REAL man?
why does it always have to be so black and white?

Rape is an activity that happens for many reasons. What a woman wears has nothing to do with it. Every man I know thinks certain things are worthy of rape. Some of the men I know Like the women who are completely covered up, such as the Church ladies, some go after the large women, some only want the extremely thin women, the point is that the need to rape is in the brain, It is a "chemical" response to a certain way of thinking, whether it is hate, pleasure, power, frustration, peer presure, oppurtunity, or vengance. To define rape with such a small definition is small minded, but a person that chooses to draw attention to a small area of such a broad topic displays that persons own deeper personal issues.

I am quite sure the man who abused me as a child simply wanted SEX. It had nothing to do with power or anger or anything else but SEX. He was just so revolting that no grown woman would have anything to do with him. So he found someone too young and vulnerable to escape manipulation.

I am a guy and I hate these weak, coward rapist. I believe severe punishment will help bring down the crime. How about a permanent tatoo on their foreheads and life in prison. That will teach them to keep it in their pants.

Thank you Mohammed. It's nice to know there are men who understand, and care.

Someone sent me a link to your MSNBC interview after I posted a blog entry on MySpace about people hassling me for wearing a t-shirt saying "You're a naughty boy, go to my room" and at the same time promoting Rape Awareness.

I'd really like to read the rape article your wrote for the school magazine, is it available online?

Dr. Diana,

I saw your interview with Rita Cosby on the internet this morning, and read your column shortly thereafter. I agree with your stance wholeheartedly. As the youngest of my faimily and the only male being raised by a single mother I understand and stand on the belief that all women are to be respected and held in hight regard. I learned that lesson at an early age.

I am currently serving overseas and I interract with women on a daily basis and you know as well as I that instances of rape, and sexual assault abound in the military it isn't a opinion, it is a matter of fact.

I am not ashamed to say that I and other men like me respect the mothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, and friends, not because they're female, but they are our counterparts and our equals.

-Universal Soldier

First of all,the language you have used in the beginning of your article is bad and indescent.
Some of the things you wrote here are very true.Let me add some.
-If a woman is rubbing your dick don't rape her.
I f a woman is showing all signs of bein ready for sex,find a soliscitor the have your paper work done,better an agreement to fuck.Then get it attested by a notary public.Then ask her again if she is still willing,the have sex with her.
-As a man go to the doctor and ask advise to stop the natural phenominon of getting aroused by the sexy behaviour,or nudism of a woman.And behold,women can show their private parts in public.Men should get their testacles removed to avoid erection.
-No training or advise should be given to women for descent behaviour,infact the word descency should be deleted from all dictionaries,and women should be let loose,to do whatever they want,and men should bear all the responsibility,to avoid sex related crimes.
-Women should have the right to get drunk and lose their senses,but men should avoid drinking and even when they are drunk,should somehow retain their senses,and still feel their social responsibilities,and avoid touching the drunk woman next to the drunk man.
-Most of the men are physically stornger than women,and while alone in the late night,women should not take any precautions against getting robbed,or assaullted.All precautions should be taken by men,infact all men should be handcuffed after midnight.
-At this time men have the upper hand in most of the things,all men should surrender it immediately and give the upper hand to the women,and create another out of balance society,it's not all about equality,is it?

Safriz

Your response is proof that feminism has a long way to go, while sick and twisted attitudes like yours exist.

i think the best solution for rapists is castration. you cant rape people if you have no balls. I also think the same might apply for violent people.

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Papipaul: It's not a macho myth, it's something that has been programmed into us since the dawn of man. You may not think it serves a purpose any more, but none the less it's been given to us by nature. All men want to be the Alpha-male, and competition amongst ourselves is as old as time itself. You and others may not want to face up to it, but the reality, is that it exists, and fighting against nature is a damn near impossible undertaking. Now I think we all agree with those statements, if not someone needs to go visit their local science meuseum. I'm not asking that you or anyone like it, only accept the reality; that's the way we were created. We are the hunters and women are the gatherers, you may not like it, but again accept the reality. I grant that it may serve no purpose in a modern society, but modern societys make up less that half of our planet. In my veiw there is still a need for that kind of behaviour, maybe not in our society, but for sure in others.

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The article up there has a simple message: when a woman gets raped, it is the rapist's fault, because he is the one who ultimately chose to rape her. You'd think that would be obvious, and that nobody would object. Yet even this message has been met by a bunch of whiny, terrified misogynists. I don't see how anyone could read this and immediately think, "why, they're stripping men of our roles!" Really? Was rape a "gender role" that you particularly miss? Then there are men saying that to call for an end to rape is to take the upper-hand away from men and give it to women. I wasn't aware that the ability to not be raped wherever you go qualified as having the "upper-hand." I certainly won't mourn or feel victimized at the loss of my potential ability to rape a woman and get away with it.

Nobody is disputing that precautions are a wise thing to take, but this doesn't mean that any blame should lie with the woman, regardless of whether she took precautions. When someone gets shot in the neck during a bank robbery, nobody ever aquits the robber and blames the victim for "not ducking" or for "working at a bank in a bad part of town," even though these are technically precautions that the victim could have taken. We blame the shooter; hands down (as we should). So why not the rapist? Just because rape happens to be a crime that has gender attatched to it, why do we suddenly have to find justifications for it; claiming that the victim is responsible for not being the "good little female" that she should? And people argue that gender equality already exists...

It is more reasonable to be expected to avoid putting one's dick into an unwilling party than it is to be expected to over-analyze one's surroundings at every casual outing, such as a friend's party or an 11pm trip to the grocery store. The fact that someone has a vagina instead of a penis doesn't make such expectations any more reasonable.

As an actual man (and not just an overgrown boy who's watched too many john wayne movies), I don't feel any threat from the concept of blaming rapists (rather than women) for rape. I actually look forward to the day that such a viewpoint becomes more widely accepted, particularly in the courtroom. And if this makes anyone feel the need to move to some other country so that they can feel like a "real man" again, then I guess I just feel sorry for you. Maybe you should just get a big truck (wink wink).

Mithrandir: Please, this has nothing to do with a big truck, John Wayne movies, or me for that matter.

This has to do with the fact that in Mexico, if you are born male you are treated as a male and receive the respect and pleasantries that come with it; even if you don’t make $100K a year.

This does NOT by any means that we should be able to rape women at will. If this is the message you have received, you have misinterpreted my words and derived an unintended meaning.

What I’m trying to say is that I believe that due to political and/or socio-economical reasons some men might develop a subconscious (or not) hated towards women.

This hatred might manifest itself in different forms, including rape, but not limited to Spousal abuse, serial murder and rape.

In Mexico, for example just because you’re the town garbage man, does not exclude you from dating the harvest queen. Women have not become so materialistic, for lack of a better word. Which is not against a woman’s nature, because nature intended for a woman to choose the best mate. This is evident with every species of life on this planet. However, as a society, the people have found many more reasons to discriminate against a male. Unfortunately, we have done it to ourselves, and reversing the process is almost damn near impossible.

I have sons and I have a daughter. Boys from both “sides of the track” as we refer to sometimes, to come and mingle with her during parties festivals and other events. I don’t impose my will or any favoritism. However, I do catch her mother telling her about the businesses a certain boy’s family owns, and I had to scold her because with such a “surprise” look on her face that the girl can only derive that it means that he’s better and another boy.

I’m sorry if you do not agree with my opinion. I am not asking you to. I’m only asking that you allow me to have one and express it. I am not, nor would ever attack your point of view, and especially attack your person or character.

I agree complety with the writer of this article. When a woman is raped its about high time that the rapist is blamed and not the woman. Even if a woman is walking in a very dangerous part of town wearing very provactive clothings does that give a man a right to rape her no!!!! Stop putting the blame on the women and blame the rapist, the same thing goes for women who rape men there is no difference, furthermore how in hell is this woman a femminist extremist??? because she says rapist should be made responsible for their actions. The opinions of some males make me quite sick oh and by the way im a guy myself

I think that I, as a woman, dislike strippers, prostitutes, porn stars and the like, not because I think they ever SHOULD be treated disrepsectfully by men, but because they are allowing men to PAY them to treat them as SEX OBJECTS! I'm sorry but as long as there are always women like that, and other women who lack self respect and allow a man to use her for his own sexual gratification, women will always be looked at as people to disrespect and treat like an object. Women need to find more respectful and purposeful jobs than that so other self respecting women don't have to walk around and defend themselves in order to get general respect. There is still no excuse for men disrespecting women, mind you, its just that these women aren't helping us gain our much deserved respect. These days I can't even tell if a guy likes me for who I am or what he can get out of me. I guess there is only one sure way to find out and that is to not have sex with him.

Without any doubt, we ought to live in a world where women can walk the streets at night, go to parties, and go on dates without fear of being raped. But we don't. Until the time comes when everyone is given the respect due to them as a person, we all do need to be aware that there are evil people in the world who will take advantage of us.
If I leave my car unlocked, and return the next morning to discover that my stereo has been stolen, the moral and legal blame is entirely on the shoulders of the thief. But if I had taken a simple precaution, I would still have my stereo. It's the thief's fault, but I could have been more careful. We should never blame victims for what happens to them, but we should not put ourselves into positions that make us much more likely to be victims.
Don't get falling-down drunk at parties. Don't walk alone in a short skirt through the worst part of town at three in the morning. Don't assume that every person you meet is a good guy to be completely trusted.
Of course, If someone has been raped, don't point out what they could have done to be safer. That will only make things worse. But there is nothing wrong with prevention.
I have a friend who was raped in high school. She decided that she had no desire to go through that again, and took a women's self-defense class. Two years ago, as she was walking home from work, she was assaulted again. But thanks to the techniques she learned in her class, she managed to give her assailant a vicious blow to the crotch (she says she felt a testicle pop), and escaped without being raped. If she had had Dr. Diana's mindset, she would certainly have undergone the trauma of rape again. Prevention can work, and until the day comes when every rapist decides not to try raping, prevention ought to be taught.

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His personal attacks may be a bit uncalled for and irrelevant, but I agree with Mithrandir's main point. This has nothing to do with men not getting enough respect for being men. This isn't why men "lash out" at women and rape them. Men develop this "subconscious hatred towards women" because they are taught, from an early age, that a woman is supposed to be passive, that a woman's purpose is for his sexual gratification, and that certain things are owed to him for his being a man (amongst other socially conditioned behaviors). It is socio-economic oppression of women that causes these men to lash out and rape women, not oppression of men. Class discrimination is a problem, but it's obviously not one that only effects males, first of all, and definitely not one that motivates rape. Rape is only there because of the silly notion that people only deserve respect for staying within their respective gender roles, rather than saying that everyone needs to be respected as people. Why go by gender at all? Nobody should have to focus on whether they feel like they're being treated or respected as a "man," because the issue is that men and women and hermaphrodites, etc, should all be treated and respected THE SAME, with no distinction based on these things. Your level of respect should depend on your behavior, not on your class or your genitals. If I see a man who's acting like an ass (by raping women, for example), I'm not going to spare him some respect for "being a man," nor will I do this for a woman acting the same way. Nobody who is born male deserves respect just for that; it's not like being born male is some accomplishment. Is being "born female" a failure, then? Are women just the result of fetuses who failed, in the womb, to pass some rigorous test of prowess required to grow a penis and testicles? Why should men be respected any differently, in Mexico or anywhere else? How is the rape of women a sign that MEN aren't being properly respected? As far as the garbage man example goes, do you think that, in the US, women don't face classism alongside men? People should be respected regardless of class, yes I agree, but also regardless of gender. Do you think that rape isn't a problem in Mexico as well, which apparently doesn't have these "male-discrimination" problems that you say the US does? If there really were some problem with men being discriminated against and men not receiving their Proper respect as men, then here is how it would manifest itself: MEN would be getting raped. Men would be treated as sex objects that "owe" something to women, whether they like it or not. Men would be the ones taking the blame for their own rapes on the grounds that they didn't do enough to prevent them. But this stuff is mainly happening to women, which means that it's happening as a part of THEIR oppression, not in response to men's oppression.

I recently read in Derrick Jensen's book "A Culture of Make Believe" that rape is categorized in the federal law books as a sex crime. This is interesting because rape is usually perpetrated on women BECAUSE they're women. Criming someone because of who they are (race, religion, beliefs, etc.) is the definition of a hate crime, but according to the federal lawbooks, rape is an exception and of course, has nothing to do with hate. Interesting?
Another thing: imagine all of the porn sites on the web, rife with degrading pictures of women. Now imagine them with pictures of African-Americans or Jewish people or Mexican people. Wouldn't those be branded as hate sites? Why not the same with women? Because our culture's hatred of women is so ingrained and transparent that we cannot see it anymore.
Dr. Blaine rocks my world for telling it how she sees it.

By definition Rape is never the victims fault. If there is ever a question or doubt as to whether the partner is willing the one in doubt needs to have intent clarified clearly. After the fact is too late, sorry doesn't cut it and both are criminal. Sex is about the willingness of two and not the desires of one no matter how they dress or smile at you!

About those who claim rape after clearly consentual activity but proof is "She said / He said" They are morally handicapped and can be avoided by limiting sexual relations until you know a little more about your partner.

the next male who starts hunting around my apartment for crotch is going to get physically hurt. This is what women like me will end up having to do, because the cops do nothing about it and even seem to condone the harassment, terrorizing and rape of women.

I did not post the above comment.

For that reason I have removed it.

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I created an account specifically so I could comment on this article, which I found through stumbleupon.

I have been raped. The man who raped me is someone I have known for a long time and trusted. He recently found the courage to come to me and apologize, even though we are the only people who know about it.

I've read a lot of the comments and I want to address some of the people who seem to be trying to justify taking advantage of a woman.

No. Means. No. Regardless of how she has been acting, if she tells you to stop or says no or that she doesn't want to or anything along those lines, it means you must stop. Being aroused does not give you any right to force yourself on a woman.

Men are biologically stronger than women. This means that if you decide to use physical force to coerce a woman into something, she will probably not be able to stop you. So, please, try to realize this the next time you grab a woman and she tries to push you away. It may seem like she's flirting because she doesn't hit you hard enough to move you, but if she says no, she means it.

Most of us aren't trying to play hard to get.

I was a virgin when I was raped, and even though it was several years ago, I have not been mentally able to have any sort of serious relationship since. I have a lot of trouble trusting.

Even though it might not seem like rape to you in the moment, please just take ten seconds to think about the situation. If you have raped someone, especially if it is someone you know, please, please, please, admit it to them and apologize. If she hasn't reported it to the police or told her friends, she is either too afraid, humiliated, or, as in my case, she doesn't think you're a bad person, and that you made a mistake.

Regardless of any of this, don't rape anyone. You will not die if you don't get laid, and no one deserves to be hurt like that. If you have anger or violence issues, please find help elsewhere.

I believe that rape is the worst thing that can happen to a person. It is worse than watching someone you love die. I know.

Thank you, and thank you Dr. Diana.

I lived my entire life in fear of being raped. I never dated, drank, went out after dark. I dressed like an old lady from the age of 9 when men started looking at me. I never went to dances, or to parties, and never spent the night with other girls if I thought there might be guys around. Guess what people... I was raped anyway. I still live my life in fear, and almost nobody knows why I am so shy. Here's what I have to tell you:

Nothing a woman can do can keep her from getting raped. Hell, even female corpses get raped. If a man wants to rape a woman SHE WILL GET RAPED.

So, yes, guys this is YOUR problem. Either that or embrace anarchy and accept that if some one wants to shoot you in the head then they have every right to.

Not miscongiscent- Come on. Don't be ridiculous. You know darn well that not only is what you suggested not true, it never will be true. Women DO NOT want there to have to be a form filled out before a man can have sex. ALL we want is for both parties to give consent and SAY YES. Don't lie. DO NOT pull the slippery slope card. DO NOT pull the "what about the mens" card.
Everyone else who says this is taking away who men are- since when us sex ALL there is to men? Women having the right to not have sex if they wish does not do anything to men. Is placing responsibility on a rapist really too much to ask? Men, you DO NOT have the right to have sex with someone who did not say yes. Period.

I think there's something really flawed with this "list"

is the author aware that a rapist is a criminal? How can she ask moral behavior from an amoral person? (or at least someone who's really fcked up in his brain)

I can make a similar article: we shouldn't tell people who don't want to get murdered to watch for themselves, we should tell the murderers not to kill
WTF? seriously??